izzat, karma, what-have-you

It's natural that people who were once close, who saw each other through heavy shit for years, every day, off and on and whatnot, will drift apart once the circumstances of their lives change significantly.

We all move on, we become "different people", we still love each other but there's just no time, or they're there and I'm still here, or whatever.

It happens. I know this. I accept this as natural and good.

I do wonder though, what it is I did, what, in a past life, in this lifetime, at a time and place I don't remember in any event, I could have conveyed to an old friend when I find they only contact me when they need to hook anOTHER of their friends up with something I've got or can do or whatever.

An old friend of mine only calls me on behalf of other people. This hurts.

I don't know what to do besides stop being available for such nonsense. Networking is one thing, but I feel like that behaviour is just plain old mean, at best, totally crass.

And yet, is this caused by some past-life behaviour? Is my karma trying to teach me something?

Is this what growing up is like, or did I just fall in love with the wrong friend a decade ago and now I'm reaping a whole field of "Could you hook my friend up?"

I know compassion can really help me in this regard and I make my gestures with as generous a spirit as possible, but when I've done what I can to assist this friend of a friend, I just don't know how to keep myself healthy and be open-hearted to what I consider insulting, use-and-abuse behaviour, without hurting myself.

I know my mother would say "fuck 'em", but I'm tired of estrangement and I'm tired of being sensitive too, but the reality is that I come from a family of estrangement and my sensitivity is what makes me a fantastic person. If I wasn't as sensitive as I am, and the reality is I'm not that sensitive when we're talking plainly, I'd probably be a real asshole.

Oh well. The next time it happens, I'll probably just lose my cool, give this person a royal telling-off and not hear from them for five years or more, for any reason.